Why Won't My Therapist Tell Me What to Do?

https://www.thecut.com/2017/09/why-wont-my-therapist-just-tell-me-what-to-do.html

Here are some highlights, though I recommend the whole response...

"As a therapist, I’m trained to understand people and help them sort out what they want to do, but I can’t make their life choices for them. I’m not a real-estate specialist, career counselor or, most important, soothsayer. Part of what people want from my advice is relief from uncertainty — if my therapist says X, I don’t have to sit with my anxiety around ambiguity. But one thing that’s certain about life is its uncertainty, and the inability to tolerate the uncertainty of what will happen if they decide X or Y or Z leaves people trapped in indecision. Learning to slow down and reflect on their choices and anticipate the potential consequences of their actions helps to decrease their anxiety in the long-term. Taking a therapist’s advice alleviates anxiety in the moment, but it won’t last."

"That’s why getting advice is not the solution to your problems, NAFM. Underlying all this hand-wringing about what to do with your apartment and the guy who asked you out and the dozens of other pieces of advice you may have pushed for is your therapist’s hope that you will leave her. Not now, but when you’re ready, and her goal in each and every session is to help you get ready. From Day One, we are thinking about how to get our patients to leave us, not because we don’t care, but because we do. We don’t want you to struggle so much. We want you to learn to trust yourself. We want you to stop asking us to play God with your life because we are not gods. We are mortals who do our best to understand our patterns and tendencies, our pain and our yearnings, so that we can take responsibility for our lives. And we want you to do the same."

#therapy #agency #empowerment #mentalhealth #strategies #communication